Fig Dessert Pizza and Maple Coffee

Here at Cooking with B.S. Corp. we like to pride ourselves on knowing what recipes our followers want. You've spoken up and we've listened to your pleas for more fig recipes. I would also like to point out this is the No. 1 fig based blog outside of the Middle East and would like to use this title to help solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, but first coffee.

Autumn came ushering in this year like a car swerving off the highway due to the first autumn rains. Instead of going outside and enjoying the crisp fall air, why not stay in drinking a hot cup of coffee with some maple whipped cream to top it off? And while you're enjoying your ideal fall drink, read through some of your favorite Cooking with B.S. posts and click on an ad or three. 

I fully endorse coffee with dessert and from what I've seen it's only my grandparents and their friends that partake in this post-dinner ritual. I wish more people my age would join in, but wishful thinking never solved anything except turning Pinocchio into a real boy.

Fig, Goat Cheese, and Pancetta Flatbread Pizza

That's right another fig post. Bombarding your food blog followers with fig posts is one of the benefits of having a fig tree in your backyard. Another benefit of having a kadota fig tree is using them on homemade-artisan-flatbread pizza. 

Figs, goat cheese, and pancetta. You could probably put these three ingredients in any dish and make the dish taste like a party that everyone's invited to, except for Jared. He knows why he's not invited. But adding figs, goat cheese, and pancetta to a pizza just makes the pizza taste like sex on a jetski.

Figgy Lamb

Yeah, that's right, I'm stepping up my culinary game and this is a damn sexy dish. Sure, I could hold myself back and make some quinoa and kale dish that could get a million pins on Pinterest, or I could make a bucket of bacon and get a million views on reddit, but why would I restrain myself when there's dishes like this to be made. This is a cooking blog and dammit I'm going to cook dishes that blow other blogs out of the water. Oh, and of course, this blog is for making jokes about nature's scrotums (figs).

Well I guess I should describe what makes up this piece of art. If you don't think food is art then you're probably Guy Fieri. These are lamb chops cooked in a fig and orange sauce on a bed of micro greens with a fig vinaigrette and on the side, baked carrots and purple potatoes with a cheese sauce. While you're reading this post just try to forget that time you ate a chicken nugget off the floor and just pretend you're a foodie.

Here's a fun fact about figs: if you want start a fruit fly farm just leave a plate of figs out overnight and soon you'll have enough fruit flies in your kitchen to be a fully functional and licensed fruit fly rancher. Your farm subsidies should get to you in 6-8 weeks. Also, you can sell the fruit fly milk at your local farmer's market.

Fig & Orange Lamb Chops

• 1/5 lbs Lamb Chops
• 1 tablespoon Butter
• 1/4 cup Port
• 2 Fresh Figs quartered
• 1 Orange
• cut 3 1in. zests
• juiced

1. In a small sauce pan add the port, orange zest, juice and figs. Cook on high, covered for 10 minutes. 
2. Place the butter in a skillet over medium-high heat, cook the butter until it starts to brown slightly. Add the lamb chops. Cook each side for roughly 30 seconds. Remove the chops from the pan and place them in a oven-proof pan along with the port and fig mixture.
3. Bake at 375° for 25 minutes.

Fig Vinaigrette

• 1 fresh Fig diced
• 1/4 cup rice vinegar
• 1 tablespoon Olive Oil

1. In a bowl mix all the ingredients together. To fully emulsify the dressing and pulverize the fig I recommend using a hand blender if you have one, or you can just throw it in a blender or food processor.

Baked Carrots and Purple Fingerlings

• 3 Carrots 
• 4 Purple Fingerling Potatoes
• 1 tablespoon Olive oil
• Salt & Pepper to taste

1. Toss the cut up vegetables in a mixing bowl with the olive oil, salt and pepper. Feel free to add a dash of cumin. Place in a oven proof cooking vessel and cook at 375° for 20 minutes. Half way through the cooking time flip the vegetables to avoid sticking.

Cheese Sauce

• 1/2 cup Cream
• 1/4 grated Manchego Cheese
• 1 tablespoon Butter
• A whisper of Whiskey

1. In a small skillet melt the butter over medium heat. Add the cream and cheese. Stir until melted. Once the cheese is melted stir in the whiskey. 
2. Add to anything you want to make taste better, including that beverage you're drinking right now. 

It's time for the moral of the post: don't hold yourself back. It does more harm than good. Also don't stress about the small things, if you have a loose structure to your project (or life), things will fall into place. This loose structure thing also applies to engineers - don't worry about the details, your plan for that highway overpass is good enough. 

Figgy photos by Katy Weaver

Breakfast Sushi

I'm pretty sure this post dishonors an entire country's culinary culture, but you know what? This breakfast sushi was delicious, so try making it yourself before you start leaving angry comments about how culturally insensitive this is (I'm looking at you tumblr). If reappropriating cultures and making them your own isn't why America fought in the Spanish-American War then I don't know what's what anymore. 

This nigiri style breakfast sushi was inspired by the fact that it seemed like a good idea. And like most initial ideas, it works. Even though it looks complicated, the simplistic approach is what makes it successful. Over-thinking ruins most things like dishes, relationships, and jokes about over thinking because you can't think of some third item to list.

Sushi Rice

To be honest I used Alton Brown's recipe for sushi rice. It's a good one, which can be found here.

Avocado Hollandaise Sauce

Once again I'm going to send you elsewhere to find this recipe, but it's my own recipe so I don't feel bad about doing it. Anyway the recipe can be found here.

Maple Soy Sauce

• 1/3 part Soy Sauce
• 2/3 part Maple Syrup
• Dash of Fish Sauce

1. In a bowl whisk everything together. The reason I'm using ratios is so you can create as much or as little as you need.

Breakfast Sushi

1. After your rice has cooled rinse your hands with cold water and form the rice balls with your hands. Squeeze to ensure the rice stays together. Make small egg-like shapes and plate.
2. Place a dollop of the avocado hollandaise sauce on the rice to ensure the breakfast meats stay in place. 
3. As for meats I used thick cut jowl bacon, breakfast sausage, and eggs. You can choose whatever you think would be best on them (I'm looking at you vegetarians and your ridiculous and futile attempt to create fake meat).
4. After placing the meats on the ball of rice, drizzle the sauces over the top and sprinkle some sesame seeds on them as well.

Breakfast food is the best food, and the joy of food is that you can be fun with it, so get out there and make a breakfast version of your favorite food! As always these mind-blowing photos are by Katy Weaver. Join us next week when we reheat some Eggos.